the week is almost over, how fast it all has been!! weeks today that she passed. and it still doesn’t seem real. the funeral was nice, and i went to her grave yesterday with a mate. I think its going to take a good long time before it becomes real…still the world carries on regardless. The blind watchmaker keeps the world ticking, one cog less…
i feel like i should be doing something. i really dont know what. i sit and i wait. monday is coming too fast and too slow. i dont want it to some any sooner but need to have it finished and over with.
a turbulent squall under the clear smooth skies.
Maybe they will call…
Tired. im staying with family again this weekend, until sunday night when they will decend onto my pad for the funeral the following morning. Dont think i have seen them this often since moving away. It is nice though. Ill make more of an effort now. Monday is moving slowly closer. I have this feeling that once that day passes its all going to feel really final. So far it has not felt real. Like a dream, like we have just been apart for a while… When we ( me and her mom) went to sort the death certificate it seemed too early. Like there was a chance a mistake was made. Evern though i watched her pass, felt her myself and knew she was dead something wouldnt beleave. The dr might call as say that her stats just dropped or somthing. I saw the signs of a body starting its natural process, saw with my own eyes. Stupid what your mind does when it doesnt like the truth, reality.
That call is never going to come. She is gone. Forever missed.
WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?
There are so many wonderful places to visit, Prague, Paris, Japan…but before i go afar, i should visit those places on my door step that ive over looked. Museums galleries just the outside that everyone passes with out even noticing it.
The best things in life are taken.
I can’t even begin to explain what im feeling right now. This strange hole. A missing limb. Every day it gets worse when everyone has gone home. When there are no more distracations left…she is not going to come through the door…there is no one to moan, explain or discuss the day with. There is only space. A void.
Watched the last episode of spaced amd at the end where everything turns out ok and each character has some one next to them, i felt so alone, its daft. So now no happy endings on tv for a little while.
The funeral is on monday.
